Perspectives with Kemi Marie
Perspectives with Kemi Marie explores the world through diverse and enlightening viewpoints. In each episode, Kemi Marie engages with loved ones, community members, thought leaders, changemakers, and everyday visionaries to uncover unique stories, personal truths, and insights. From generational healing to personal growth to spirituality to ethics to existentialism, sexuality, and gender to social impact, join Kemi for conversations that broaden your horizons and deepen your wisdom. Tune in biweekly for perspectives that ignite your curiosity and inspire your journey.
Perspectives with Kemi Marie
be the villain: how to harness the power of being the main character
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Whether through queerness or choosing a path less traveled, the world often deems those who stand out as villains. But what if this perception is indicative of your power? Through personal experiences and reflections, we explore how societal labels of nonconformity can be turned into sources of strength.
It’s a journey through the complex terrain of unpacking shame and social dynamics, where not conforming to societal expectations can lead to manipulative behaviors and retaliatory attitudes. But amidst these challenges, you'll discover the role of self-awareness and the power of setting firm boundaries to protect your individuality.
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If I said that the leopard here was being ostracized by the other animals. If I said that you are beautiful but difficult. People may find you alluring but are unsure, they're not at ease, they keep you at a distance. If I said that you have to, on a certain level, accept a degree of isolation, a degree of separateness from the crowd. If I said that even if the people decide that they want to not only ostracize you but they want to attack you or they want to oppose you. If I said that you would have what it takes to overcome, to triumph over them all, they would regret getting too close for the wrong reason. Leopard is beautiful to behold, but leopard eyes give one reason for concern the more quiet the leopard becomes, the more fearful you should be. And so what they did was they kept the leopard at bay. They wouldn't share resources with leopards. They wouldn't share or create opportunities for the leopard. It started to be bad. Leopard didn't know what to do. They said leopard, you're an outsider, nobody really wants to be close to you, but that's okay.
Speaker 1:Leopard was able to overcome all the animals of the forest. There was nothing that was beyond his access. Nothing was beyond his reach. Ipan says that you shall be trying something in your efforts. However, you need to accept that you will be a bit of a loner, as leopards you know how you see lions will be a pride. You're not going to see five leopards. Leopard is a loner. If I said that it isn't a flaw, it isn't. It isn't a flaw, but should people decide they want to gang up on you or want to just be coming, you know getting too close to you for the wrong reason if I said that you would be able to overcome them so in my previous workplace I decided to test this theory and it confirmed absolutely everything for me.
Speaker 2:In my previous workplace I pretty much just I did the work right, like I was more reserved, I kept to myself a lot, I didn't share a lot of personal details about myself, because me personally, I don't feel that I need to do that in my workplace. I'm not one to just disclose. Hello Scorpio, eighth house. I tend to be more reserved at first, gain some trust and then I open up and, oh my goodness, it confirmed pretty much for me that it does not matter how I show up, that it does not matter how I show up. People are going to feel a way because if I am myself and I am more, more boisterous, more excitable, more energetic, if I take the lead, a lot people feel away. They feel away inherently, just with the confidence that I enter spaces with. So in this workplace I'm being more reserved and it came to a point where people were literally saying they just don't trust me in the space and that they don't think that I'm a leader in the space because I refused to self disclose. My being reserved made them feel uneasy. They kept saying that I was like masking and it was just I don't know you, I don't know y'all, yet I am getting comfortable. Mind you, it had been like three months and that's when the issue started popping up, because it's like I personally will not share all of my business. Then I really realized like I'm not doing anything, I'm doing my work, I am going about my time, and it wasn't a matter of like not being a team player type vibe, because I know that that's something that people can also say. It was literally people saying that they don't trust me because they feel like I am not basically spilling my whole life. And so when that situation occurred to me and I was like no, I mean, I'm just being more reserved, like I don't, it's been three months, I'm not revealing absolutely all parts of my personal life, because this is my workplace, you know, like I have boundaries. Having those boundaries and not giving people access to me in such a way was so frustrating, and this is something that I've dealt with my entire life.
Speaker 2:Right, if I am myself and I'm open and I'm blah, blah, blah, people feel away. If I am more quiet and reserved and in my bubble, people also feel away. And I've actually had many situations where if I'm not giving someone enough attention, or if I'm not playing into what they want, or if I'm not giving them what they want, then they start to retaliate against me. That is something that's very common. One time I wasn't responding to this person's messages Mind you, we were not friends and they literally would do this thing. They went on social media to talk about how terrible of a person I am. Then I would text them and be like what are you doing? We're cool, what is going on? We're just not friends anymore. Everything's good. Their responses to me when they would do these lashing outs is they text me back and go. I'm so sorry, I'll take it down. I really just wanted your attention. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 2:Okay, I have experienced so much manipulation because me either being myself whether it's reserved or whether it's out there just makes people feel extraordinarily uncomfortable and they get weird. Another example one time I unfollowed everyone from on social media because I didn't want to be consumed by this. I'm very aware of what I consume online. I unfollowed everyone and one person reached out to me with a long paragraph of so much stuff, like just so much stuff, because I unfollowed them. They're like you unfollowed me. So therefore, you actually hate me and you've always hated me and you've always had something like it was just a lot and they were like you know about my beef with xyz, I'm like I don't know nothing about that. I don't follow everybody. Like people tend to get in very, they just get disturbed, quite literally disturbed when I'm in my own world. They get disturbed when I'm um, all over the place, like I just disturb people. Well, people don't like my boundaries with myself or with them.
Speaker 2:And you know, for I think, growing up for a long period of time, I just always felt like I always felt like there must be something wrong with me. Right, I have to change this thing and I have to be more like this and I have to be less like this, and that's just not true. But this experience in my workplace, where I was like, ok, I don't want to, I'm not stepping on anybody's toes, I just got here, you know, I'm trying to honor my place and for them to come back at me like you don't? You don't tell me what you do in your day-to-day life and why are you masking? And why didn't you tell me that I don't have to disclose everything? That's for one, but it showed me that people are uncomfortable simply with my presence because I didn't do anything. And then I became the villain. All of the issues were on me. It was actually ludicrous, it was actually wild. People who know what was going on during that time know what was going on during that time, but I was just like I haven't done anything. I haven't done anything, I have not done anything, and that's when I decided to stop giving a fuck.
Speaker 2:So, hello, my name is Kemi Marie and you're listening to Perspectives, a philosophical podcast exploring the world through new and enlightening viewpoints. Let's get into it, because we need to talk about this vilification thing and being that girl Genuinely. Here's what I've come to. If people naturally and yes, that will make you a villain, so be it. Baby, if you're going to be the main character, then baby, be that. Quite frankly, some are built and some are born to be villainous in the eyes of others. You're queer Okay, you're villainous. You're different Okay, you're villainous.
Speaker 2:Inherently, your identity is in direct opposition to what they say you should be, and the way that you live is in direct opposition to the way they say should be, and the way that you live is in direct opposition to the way they say you should live. You can genuinely just be inherently villainous If you're not closely associated with dominant culture. If you say, fuck dominant culture, baby, I'm sorry but you are the villain, right? Yes, you can make people feel uneasy simply with your presence. Because you're different, you didn't need to say anything.
Speaker 2:Your presence alone is enough to mentally mess with people. It's an energy thing and I know that a lot of people will be like well, then that means your energy is messed up? Absolutely not. I personally believe that your energy connects with the people that your energy is intended to connect with, and there are some people who are just different. That doesn't mean that their energy is wrong. It doesn't mean that their energy is bad. It just means it's different from your own, and sometimes that difference can feel a bit uneasy. But it doesn't necessarily mean that it's inherently bad or wrong or there's something like evil with that person. Right, it's just an energy. And so when you have a strong energy, specifically, or a warrior energy, like I do shout out to Oya, shout out to all my spirits then your presence is a lot right and it can mess with people, and I know that that hurts.
Speaker 2:But when you recognize that it's not you, it gets a lot better To do all of that people pleasing and trying to fix yourself and tailor and be more presentable and align closer with desirability. That's one way right. But when you step out of that and you move according to what you want and you live your life and you are self-focused, you may find that you are still the villain. I've done them both. I have done the people pleasing, I've stepped out of that, I've moved according to what I want, I've lived my life, I've been self-focused. I have literally genuinely girl. I travel for fun and I genuinely have 30 year old haters close to me. I'm not talking about some imaginary haters. I have adults, grown adults and people fully in their career, in my family or who were in my family, who have an opinion, who had an opinion, who always had an opinion about my life, and it's just like I'm just living my life, like, whether you people please and you do what they say or you live your own life, it'll never be good enough. You're still going to be the villain and I know that hurts. But, girl, that's when I decided to absolutely lean into it. Like okay, like okay, okay, whatever, whatever, then, I'm gonna do what I wanna do and move how I wanna move. I already went the route of trying to, you know, tone it down, not say much.
Speaker 2:Keep my head down Still made folks uneasy. Because when I do keep my head down, people think I'm hiding something. Shout out to the 8th house. When I do keep my head down, people think that I'm not disclosing enough or giving them what they want People want to take. And when you have boundaries, that's a problem. A lot of people think they need to self-disclose absolutely everything all at once and tell you all their business, and when you don't, it makes them feel uneasy. That's the damn problem.
Speaker 2:You can say so many things right, no wrong. You could say nothing, still wrong. You could ask questions. Very wrong, you could hold space wrong, like work on your delivery, work on your tone, say it kinder, do it this way. Say more, say less, be more, be less, be more outgoing, be more introverted. This is all to be well-received, girl, literally no. No. If you're making any changes, let it be for you, not because you want to be received by anyone whose energy is closed off to you. All the tailoring you realize it'll typically be wrong because it'll never be exactly what they want. All the tailoring, it's not worth it, and we know why. We know why these things make people uneasy.
Speaker 2:You're different, your life is different. How you move is different, how you think is different. It's all in opposition to everything this world tells you to be, to strive for and how to live. By nature, you are antithetical to literally the ideas of this world. You are antithetical to literally the ideas of this world. Presence alone is enough to mess with people mentally. But don't internalize that. Don't internalize that as if there's something wrong with you Absolutely not. People shaking. When you do, you will not stop nor alter your earthquake.
Speaker 2:If people are going to be threatened off a rip, you might as well lean into who you are fully and let that be an absolute source of power. That's where I'm at right now. This is my power. You make people shake. People debate your existence, your identity, how you move. They judge your way. Baby, shake it some more. Shake the table. Be your best self. Keep doing you, stay self-focused. If people are going to feel the way, baby, keep doing you. Make them feel more. If anything, they are making you the main character. So be the force that you are. Because me personally, like, there was a time when I internalized it, thought something was wrong with me, and now I'm like no, this is pure power. You have the power. You have the power in your hands.
Speaker 2:If people are talking about you, if people are disturbed by you, baby, that means you have the power. They're letting themselves be disturbed by you. Baby, that means you have the power. They're letting themselves be disturbed by you. So if you stop internalizing it as something wrong with you, you're going to realize that you're actually powerful as hell. Like do you want to be the topic or you want to be one of the ones discussing? That's the difference.
Speaker 2:When you're the main character, folks aren't main characters. They just make you one in their life. So don't make them the main one of your life or the main one in your brain. Do not send to their projections, do not internalize. Move how you want to move, to feel good with yourself. Do not move based on how you think you should be, and if that makes you a villain, baby, flip the fucking table.
Speaker 2:The villain makes the story happen. I just want to say that there wouldn't be no story without you, because you're interesting. This is your story, this is your world, so absolutely own it. Literally, just have fun with it and I just like come on now, it's cute, it's cute, it's cute. But that's really what I have to say about being the villain. Sometimes you're just going to be. It's a source of power, so let it be.
Speaker 2:I feel like 2025 is for one. 2025 is a warrior year. If you want to learn a little bit more about what that means, check out our telegram chat. It's free, just hop in there. It's cute. That's just where I share little insights that I don't really want to share with the whole public. But yeah, it's warrior year.
Speaker 2:Be about it, do something, take some action, have fun, be self-focused. That doesn't mean self-centered, there's a difference. But be self-focused and be you, period, because that's your source of power. I know people say it in 5 million different ways, but please believe it. You have so of power. I know people say it in 5 million different ways, but please believe it. You have so much power. If you were able to shake some shit, if you ever made, if you are able to make people feel a way simply with your presence. Please, please. Who are you, jesus, exactly? Anyway, I'm your host, kemi Marie, and you've been listening to the Perspectives podcast For more insights and tips and to stay involved in this beautiful community. Join our Earth Fairies, chat linked below or find me on Patreon for monthly classes, workshops and more. Anyway, I'll see y'all next time. Have a good day.